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(Born February 10 1976) (Bing (Male Fire) Dragon, Aquarius) (Age 36) ( Friday February 10 2012 )
My Favourite Quote
On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
Charles Babbage 1791 - 1871, The Father of Computing
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Aesop
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Douglas Adams
Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up.
Muhammad Ali
Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them-a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.
Muhammad Ali
Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn't matter which color does the hating. It's just plain wrong.
Muhammad Ali
If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize.
Muhammad Ali
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Aristotle
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
James A. Baldwin
When love is not madness, it is not love.
Pedro Calderon de la Barca
When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks.
Natalie Clifford Barney
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
Ingrid Bergman
I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw
Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
I heard a man say that brigands demand your money or your life, whereas women require both.
Samuel Butler
I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
Thomas Carlyle
The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.
Winston Churchill
The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity.
Winston Churchill
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Winston Churchill
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
Winston Churchill
There is no duty more obligatory than the repayment of kindness.
Cicero
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
Charles Caleb Colton
Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
Confucius
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
Bill Cosby
Freedom of thought is best promoted by the gradual illumination of men's minds, which follow from the advance of science. "I can hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so, the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother, and almost all of my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.
Charles Darwin
I think; therefore I am.
Rene Descartes
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Nick Diamos
A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.
Charles Dickens
With a sense of irony everyone you see is chasing their illusions, Take a dive, or sink, or swim but in the end you're in the same pollution, In your world, escape is swift, The nonsense list is all you need to know, In the land of dreams, you make the right connections then you'll be the hero...ecstasy, The cult of 'me' provides our institutions, You can live forever with a grave that stands Where people used to function You can join the saviors of our culture Vultures circling overhead my sky Like the sin of gluttony won't set you free (But Betty Ford can help you try)
Bruce Dickinson
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison
Religion is bunk. All Bibles are manmade.
Thomas Edison
There are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.
Thomas A. Edison
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Albert Einstein
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?
Albert Einstein
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.
Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.
Albert Einstein
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and deeds; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. The idea of a personal God is an athropological concept which I am unable to take seriously. I do not believe in immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it.
Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein
Don't join the book burners. Do not think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
Ludwig Erhard
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me!
Henry Ford
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Henry Ford
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.
Henry Ford
It would be very nice if there were a God who created the world and was a benevolent providence, and if there were a moral order in the universe and an after-life; but it is a very striking fact that all this is exactly as we are bound to wish to be.
Sigmund Freud
Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
Mahatma Gandhi
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma Gandhi
A Wonderful Book, but there are some very queer things in it.
King George V in reference to The Bible
If it were not for injustice, men would not know justice.
Heraclitus
Secular schools can never be tolerated, because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without religious foundation is built on air; consequently, character training and religion must be derived from faith.
Adolf Hitler
What luck for the rulers that men do not think
Adolf Hitler
They think they can make fuel from horse manure.... Now, I don't know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.
Billie Holliday
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Elbert Hubbard
Tis the business of little mind's to shrink, but he who's heart is firm and who's conscience approves his conduct, will persue his principles unto death.
Victor Hugo
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
Clive James
You Don't heal a broken heart, by pretending its not broken
Penn Jillette, Episode 1, series 1 of his and Tellers show entitled Bullshit ! ( Recommended Viewing )
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish you didn't.
Erica Jong
Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.
Martin Luther King Jr.
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King Jr.
I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
Stephen King
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
The Dalai Lama
Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved.
D.H. Lawrence
Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.
Denis Leary
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
Jay Leno
Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.
C. S. Lewis
I sometimes wander whether all pleasures are not substitutes for joy.
C. S. Lewis
If we cut up beasts simply because they cannot prevent us and because we are backing our own side in the struggle for existence, it is only logical to cut up imbeciles, criminals, enemies, or capitalists for the same reasons.
C. S. Lewis
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.
Abraham Lincoln
Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose - and you allow him to make war at pleasure.
Abraham Lincoln
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?
Abraham Lincoln
Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Abraham Lincoln
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Abraham Lincoln
I walk slowly, but I never walk backward.
Abraham Lincoln
If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.
Abraham Lincoln
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln
As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.
Abraham Lincoln
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Abraham Lincoln
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
All I can say is if they show my butt in a movie, it better be a wide shot.
Jennifer Lopez
If I have seen more than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
Sir Isaac Newton
Sex is hardly ever just about sex.
Shirley Maclaine
I find television very educating. Every time sombody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.
Marilyn Monroe
We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.
Jim Morrison
Solutions are not the answer.
Richard Nixon
It' my rule to never lose my temper till it would be dethrimental to keep it.
Sean O'Casey
Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.
George Orwell
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
Dolly Parton
Everything you can imagine is real.
Picasso
Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.
Plato
If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things.
Plato
That man is not truly brave who is afraid either to seem or to be, when it suits him, a coward.
Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary.
Edgar Allan Poe
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
Dan Quayle
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
Dan Quayle
Trust, but verify.
Ronald Reagan
Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
Tom Robbins
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
Tom Robbins
Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Time is the fire in which we burn.
Gene Roddenberry
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
A woman is like a teabag -- you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt
The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.
Theodore Roosevelt
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Rita Rudner
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles Schultz
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
E. F. Schumacher
The course of true love never did run smooth.
William Shakespeare
I love thee, I love but thee With a love that shall not die Till the sun grows cold And the stars grow old.
Willam Shakespeare
Love asks me no questions, and gives me endless support...
William Shakespeare
So long as I can breathe or I can see, so long lives your love which gives life to me.
William Shakespeare
Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
William Shakespeare
Expectation is the root of all heartache.
William Shakespeare
Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.
William Shakespeare
Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.
William Shakespeare
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!
William Shakespeare
If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
William Shakespeare
Life every man holds dear; but the dear man holds honor far more precious dear than life.
William Shakespeare
Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.
William Shakespeare
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
William Shakespeare
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
William Shakespeare
What's done can't be undone.
William Shakespeare
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
George Bernard Shaw
The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation.
George Bernard Shaw
In Heavan an angel is nobody in particular
George Bernard Shaw
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
George Bernard Shaw
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
George Bernard Shaw
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw
True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.
Socrates
If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
Mother Teresa
Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Teresa
The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.
Mother Teresa
We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
Mother Teresa
I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
Margaret Thatcher
Why is it that wherever I go, the resident idiot heads straight for me?
Gwynn Thomas
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
J. R. R. Tolkien
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Harry S. Truman
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
Mark Twain
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Mark Twain
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done
Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral; but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.
Mark Twain
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Mark Twain
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
Anything too stupid to be said, is sung.
Voltaire
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
I May disagree with what you say, But I shall defend to the death your right to say it.
Voltaire
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Orson Welles
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
Bob Wells
I generally avoid a temptation unless I can't resist it.
Mae West
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West
It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
Mae West
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Mae West
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Mae West
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde
Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography.
Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
Oscar Wilde
Who, being loved, is poor?
Oscar Wilde
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
Tennessee Williams
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
Charles Wadsworth
That best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
William Wordsworth
Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it.
Malcolm X
The Raven
by Edgar Allan Poe
First Published in 1845
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,.
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore,
Nameless here forevermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me---filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
" 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.
This it is, and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you." Here I opened wide the door;---
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
Lenore?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,
"Lenore!" Merely this, and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,
"Surely," said I, "surely, that is something at my window lattice.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.
" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more."
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.
Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore.
Tell me what the lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore."
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door,
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."
But the raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered; not a feather then he fluttered;
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "Other friends have flown before;
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master, whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster, till his songs one burden bore,---
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never---nevermore."
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore --
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."
Thus I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl, whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath
Sent thee respite---respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, O quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"
"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!--prophet still, if bird or devil!
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted--
On this home by horror haunted--tell me truly, I implore:
Is there--is there balm in Gilead?--tell me--tell me I implore!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."
"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil--prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that heaven that bends above us--by that God we both adore--
Tell this soul with sorrow laden, if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden, whom the angels name Lenore---
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels name Lenore?
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."
"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting--
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted---nevermore!
AND FINALLY !
These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
